Everly is 2 months old! And it's Halloween!

Everly Rose is 2 months old!

Two months old already...where does the time go?!! I can't believe our sweet baby Everly Rose is two months old!! She loves to snuggle (especially with and on Mama!), eat, lay in the sun with Paisley, swing in her chair, and watch her light projector with the sound machine at night. She really doesn't like any clothes that have to go on over her head so she still spends a lot of time in comfy sleepers! No need to waste a cute outfit anyway if we're just lounging at home! She is getting stronger everyday and starting to really hold her head up a lot more on her own and she can rock herself from side to side...she has also flipped herself over twice now while doing tummy time when she gets mad and is over it, she gets her legs up and under her just enough to flip over! Her hair is getting lighter and her eyes are getting bluer by the day so I think she's going to end up looking more like me than people thought when she was first born! I love just watching her sleep and eat and nap and lay with Paisley...I find myself getting lost in her and my heart feels so full when I'm snuggling with her and especially while I'm feeding her. I totally get that unique bond that everyone talks about when it comes to breastfeeding and I'm so thankful that I am able to do it for Everly. She's somewhere between 8-9 pounds and is completely out of preemie clothes but still only wearing newborn stuff...she's still our sweet tiny Peanut who we love so much!

Happy Halloween from the bakers and our sweet treats!

We celebrated Everly's first Halloween by dressing her up as a cupcake! I actually made the costume by using a sleep sack we received in the hospital and then I added the frosting, sprinkles, and cupcake liner to it. My mom helped me with the hat by making the cherry on top! It turned out so cute! Paisley was a long john donut so I made that with some cardboard, batting, scraps of fabric, and the same felt that I used for the sprinkles on Everly's costume. I'm so happy that my parents live close by us because they got to come over to see her dressed up on her 1st Halloween and then we made a trip to Jordan's parents so they could see her too. We had to show off our sweet little cupcake afterall! I can't wait until next Halloween when she is walking and we can take her trick-or-treating! 

she is excited for another Halloween outfit!  

Happy Halloween!
I love those sweet little hands on the pumpkin

Daddy sure is under her spell...
and so is everyone else!

Goodbye my old sweet girl...

Goodbye my old sweet girl, Abby Lou. I knew the day I picked you out that you would be the best family dog ever... even if you did eat my birthday cake, Halloween candy, and Easter candy a few too many years in a row. You taught us about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering love and loyalty. We will be missing you and loving you always...

“A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?”

Happy Due Date, Everly!

Happy due date, Everly! We've been lucky to love on you six weeks earlier than expected and you've been the greatest blessing in our lives ever since your arrival! I'm sure this was the first of many surprises that you'll have up your sleeve for us...but hopefully none of them turn into 2 week hospital stays! We are so lucky to be your parents and to have the chance to love you! You are sweet as can be and you already have us all wrapped around your finger! 

one month of Mommyhood

Ever since having Everly, I am constantly hearing the same questions: "how are you doing? how is she sleeping and eating? how is Motherhood treating you? how are Jordan and Paisley adjusting?" It seems like everyone is always wanting to know the latest and then when I answer, they look at me with a raised eyebrow and surprised look on their face. When I answer them, "I'm doing great and feeling awesome! Everly sleeps almost 4-5 hours at a time usually and she eats like a rockstar. Jordan helps with nightly feedings on the weekends and after school...and Paisley is still crazy but just sniffs Everly, lays on her blankets, and doesn't ever try to bother Everly. I think they'll be fast friends and will get into lots of trouble together" it's like they are really surprised, think I'm totally full of it, or look at me like I'm delirious from lack of sleep and living in a dreamworld! So as I think back to the first month of Everly's life, I definitely realize that I am in fact not living in a dreamworld, but I am lucky that we are all living the way we are. 

This first month has went by incredibly fast - and doesn't everyone always say that, to enjoy them when they're young because they grow up way too fast?! And it's true. I can't believe Everly is already a month old! This month has been nothing short of emotional, overwhelming, incredible, challenging, inspiring, and more all at the same time. I am constantly learning something new about either myself, Jordan, or Everly, and how we all work together as one family unit. Everyone also always says how much your life will change once you have a baby and that is definitely true but I have been pretty surprised so far at how much it hasn't changed yet. Before Everly was born, I always envisioned Jordan and I walking around as zombies, never leaving the house, living off of take-out meals, not watching our shows, and just living a complete 360-different life than what we had been living. The changes that have happened because of Everly joining our family are all worth it, some expected and some unexpected, but definitely worth it. In one month, in the blink of our eyes, I've learned that there's nothing more exhilarating and terrifying than becoming a parent for the first time.

1. I will always be on Everly's side and her biggest supporter - I quickly learned while staying with Everly in the NICU that there is nothing more important than standing up for your own child, giving them a voice, and fighting for them. There were some nurses, physicians, and other hospital staff that would want do to things one way and I would say we are doing it another way that I knew would be more beneficial and helpful to her. I had to stand up for her to several hospital staff members and make sure things were done in a way that would make her feel safe and comforted. It's because of all of this, that I know now if you don't support your child and fight for them, then no one will. So Everly can always count on me to be there for her.

2. I can function off of very little sleep - At times I feel like I have reverted back to my undergrad days when I would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning and then go a whole day on 4-5 hours of sleep. I don't walk around feeling like a zombie and Jordan and I still make time to watch our TV shows together...if it wasn't for his help and help from my parents, I might be a zombie though! We are lucky to have a baby who is a good sleeper and gives us 3-5 hours at a time of sleeping so we can sneak in a shower, some chores, a nap, or just time to sleep the whole time while she does!

3. It's important to be present in the moment - It's easy to get sucked into something and completely absorbed by a TV show, surfing the internet, playing games on a cell phone, or whatever else it might be...that it's easy to not let yourself be present. I used to spend hours each night clicking between Facebook, Pinterest, baby blogs, and various other websites and now that Everly is here, I find myself opening my computer maybe two or three times in a week total. I don't sit on the couch anymore with my phone or computer reading different things...instead I'm sitting on the couch, while feeding Everly or snuggling with her, and I find myself just staring at her, playing with her fingers, rubbing her cheeks, running my fingers over her head and hair, and just getting lost in her. When I do get on my computer or phone, it's usually very brief (have to keep my blog and Facebook up to date with pictures and everything for people!) and then I find myself reading articles about babies or finding the next craft project I can do with Everly. I know too many parents who have lost their babies...time with our kids is too precious and something that can't be taken for granted. 

4. I need my mom - Plain and simple, I never knew how much I needed my own mom until I became one myself. Not only that, but I have a huge new found respect for all mom's out there. If my mom wasn't living here with us, I am pretty sure that I would probably call her everyday and some days probably more than once! She has helped me out in countless ways right from the beginning of the pregnancy to the first few hours after Everly was born. She has given me advice, suggestions, and constant love and support at all times, and often times before I even ask for it. I feel comfortable asking her anything and she doesn't make me feel stupid or inferior. She has helped me to gain confidence in my skills as I become a mother and I'd be lost without her by my side through this journey. There's nothing like a mom's loving and I'm thankful to have an awesome one in my life and can only hope to become the same kind of mom to Everly. My mom is one of my closest friends and I hope that when Everly is my age, she can say the same thing about the two of us. 

5. Jordan and I aren't perfect parents (or people) but we are the perfect parents for Everly - Jordan and I have quickly learned from each other that we do things different from one another when it comes to taking care of Everly and I have had to learn that it is okay. As long as she gets fed, changed, has a clean diaper on, get some loving and snuggling, then it doesn't matter how it gets done. I had a head start on bonding with Everly for close to 8 months before she was born so Jordan has had to play catch up. I have had to learn to become even more patient with Jordan as he navigates his way through becoming a dad and working together with him as parents and as a the husband and wife team that we are. I love watching him connect with Everly and just in a month, I have seen him gain confidence when it comes to holding her and taking care of her. And I know there have been times where he has seen me not be fully prepared for something or not react quick enough and that's okay too. We both know we aren't perfect and we are both there for each other, even in the middle of the night when we wish all three of us were sleeping, but I wouldn't choose anyone else to go through this adventure of parenthood besides Jordan. He's the perfect husband for me and the perfect daddy for Everly.


I'm sure I could go on and on about what I have learned, what's different, what's the best and worst part of parenthood, and advice for future parents out there. But I have a beautiful baby and husband to snuggle up with for the night. But the more I think about it, the more things I realize that I have learned and discovered in the past month. Some things have changed and some things have stayed the same. A new chapter of our lives together has started and as we are closing in on month one, it sure has been a beautiful one. We have a new normal as a family of three (plus one crazy fur baby!) and we will make the most of our time together and love every minute of it. And maybe that's the most important thing I've learned in the past month: if you don't make time for those you love, then you can't be mad when it slips away. So make time for one more kiss. One more hug. One more book to read at night. One more snuggle. One more "I love you." And this past month has been full of nothing but love for us. And for that, I am forever thankful.

surprising (to me at least!) things about having a baby...

I'm a huge researcher. And worrier. And I'll just throw this out there, Google is not my friend when I have any sort of aliment. Therefore, I try to read anything and everything I can to know anything and everything about whatever I am wondering about. Before I had Everly, I was always flipping through a baby book - sidebar: thanks but no thanks for the advice What To Expect When You're Expecting...you should be titled What to Expect But Will Not Happen and Instead You'll Waste Precious Time and Energy Worrying About The Worst Case Scenarios When You're Expecting (and I digress. The book has some good info. But it was not THE book I would say every pregnant woman should read. There are several out there that are way better!) So if I wasn't flipping through a book, I was browsing websites and blogs or always asking friends questions about labor, recovery, baby items, and just baby stuff in general. I wanted to know everything because I hate the unknown. Because quite frankly, after our childbirth class, the thought of delivering a baby terrified me. I felt informed but still nervous. Thankfully, I survived to tell the tale and am happy to report that I was pleasantly surprised with how well I handled everything especially since we were thrown into the whirlwind by Everly deciding to arrive six weeks early...

1. the return to pre-pregnancy weight and size: I read several articles, talked to a lot of friends, and saw plenty of post-baby pictures (both at the hospital and of families at home) that led me to believe it would be weeks, possibly months, before I would be wearing pants with zippers again let alone my own pre-pregnancy pants with zippers. Of course, the first few days at the hospital after having Everly and when I stayed there in the NICU with her, I lived in yoga pants and sweats. Comfort is key those first few days - especially when hanging out in the hospital. But imagine my surprise when I got brave and tried on a pair of skinny jeans I had (because as I told Jordan, "I just want to see how much work I have cut out for me...") and they fit. Not only fit, but fit comfortably! I stepped on the scale for the first time a week after Everly was born and was only 9 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and a month after, I am back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. It helped how in shape and toned I was before getting pregnant combined with how active I was while pregnant. I walked EVERYDAY no less than 5 miles and some days up to 8 miles. I never let being pregnant be an excuse from staying active and I always let it be an excuse to eat extra fruits and vegetables. I will definitely be rocking my two-piece swim suit still next summer! 

2. stretch marks: speaking of two-piece swim suits, stretch marks are a funny thing and they say a lot of it is based on genetics. If you're wondering if you'll get them, ask your mom. Typically, "they" (whoever "they" are anyway) say that no amount of lotion or creams or fancy clothes or whatever will keep stretch marks away...the lotion and cream will just help your skin to feel moisturized and not make it as itchy. So of course I turned to my mom who said she got stretch marks and still has them so I was fully prepared to get them myself. I lotioned myself up morning and night anyway with cocoa butter and never got even the smallest hint of a stretch mark. Of course, I'm sure this would be a different story if I had gone full-term with Everly because I could tell my skin and stomach were feeling pretty tight those last few days. So I'll be interested to see if I make it stretch mark free the next time I'm pregnant.. But to those women that did get stretch marks, embrace them because you created a life and lived through it. And that is a beautiful thing. 

3. the epidural: I had always told myself and Jordan, "I'm not going into the hospital or labor and getting an epidural right away. I'm going to try and last as long as I can without one and maybe do the whole thing without it entirely." Jordan was fully prepared to help me through labor thanks to the techniques and everything we had learned from our class and I had some breathing/relaxation techniques for myself to work through while contracting. Thankfully, when we got to the hospital I was already 4cm dilated and my labor progressed so quickly, that by the time I was ready to start dropping F bombs and was ready to throw in the towel, I was almost 7cm dilated when I finally caved and asked for the epidural. And honestly, contracting while trying to hold still and stay in the "curled shrimp shape" was significantly worse than the actual needle and epidural placement itself. I was more focused on holding still and breathing so the doctor could get it over with so I could get back up and have some water then catch my breath.

4. labor pains: Like I've said, I was one of the lucky ones who had a very quick labor and who went to the hospital already in active labor. I didn't have to be induced or hooked up to an IV and monitors allllll day, or have any interventions to help my labor progress. Contractions are painful, yes. But Jordan and my midwife helped talk me through them and would remind me, "just take it one contraction at a time." Between each one, I would try to relax and drink some water....and not stare at the monitor in anticipation of the next one coming. Once it came time to push, my adrenaline definitely took over combined with the epidural's help, because I mainly only felt a lot of pressure like I was going to poop on the table (and thankfully, I didn't haha). I didn't have any sort of shot or extra numbing "down there" either so maybe I have a higher pain tolerance than I thought. And it helps that Everly was head down and had been since about 28 weeks so she was already locked and loaded in prime birthing position and her small size helped as well. 

5. bleeding: yes, there will be blood. But not in the amounts that the books and blogs that I had read made it seem like. I was expecting a lot more honestly, like in the amount that I'd wonder if I even had any left in my body, so I was surprised at how it really wasn't that bad or that much. Just like a really heavy period for the first day or two, for me at least, and then just a normal spotty period after that for about 7-10 days. I didn't have to wear the gigantic middle school style maxi pads for long which was a plus because it isn't very enjoyable to feel (and sound!) like you're wearing a diaper yourself while taking care of your own baby...

6. after labor pains: again, thanks to the reading and research I did, I had prepared myself for the worst and thought I would be walking bow-legged and not able to sit comfortably for weeks. Turns out I was up walking around, hugging people, and laughing like normal within 2 hours after having Everly. The worst pain was the cramping while breastfeeding and pumping. I had been warned about that but didn't expect it to be that bad but it was still bearable...I had been told it was a "good sign" if you were crampy while breastfeeding and that would help the uterus to go down to it's regular size quicker. The little squirt water bottle and witch hazel pads the hospital supplied me with were also a huge help. Along with the pain meds my nurse gave me. I only took them (tylenol and ibuprofen) for the first 3-4 days after delivery and then didn't have any after that. I'd say I bounced back quicker than I thought I would but I think a part of that had to do with living in the NICU with Everly and that I had mentally blocked out my own pain because I needed to be mentally present and physically aware of her needs and helping her get home sooner that I didn't have time to "be in pain and recover." I was definitely uncomfortable at times those first few days but seeing my baby and holding her really makes it all go away and worth it all like everyone always says. 

7. breastfeeding: I was signed up to take a breastfeeding class the second week of September...obviously Jordan and I didn't make it to that. So I was all sorts of nervous about breastfeeding because that was one of the things I hadn't done much reading or researching on yet since I figured we would have the class to get information from! Thankfully, I had some awesome nurses that gave me all sorts of advices, tips, and support those first few days. Everly latched on right away and we haven't looked back. It is a weird feeling but not a painful one...but it is a really awesome feeling looking at my baby and knowing that she is gaining weight because of me and the milk I'm providing for her. It is crazy to think that's all she is eating and how much I am helping her out by giving her breast milk!

8. engorgement: speaking of breastfeeding, engorgement is no joke. While at the hospital, they recommended I pump every 3-4 hours to help increase my supply and to give stimulation to encourage a good supply. I remember the first few days only pumping 10-15mL total and thinking I had accomplished a lot...then one morning, I woke up with rock hard boobs. And pumped almost 3oz total. And now I look back on that and laugh because there are times in a day now when I can pump 12oz total and yes that is in one sitting! My family jokes that I am a human milk machine and I'm starting to believe it...in less than 6 weeks, I have over 400oz of frozen breast milk stored and ready for when I go back to my internship. Thankfully, the initial engorgement period doesn't last for long and I get why some women give up on breastfeeding then and there. Because that makes it hurt! But it only ever hurts and feels like that now if I go too long between feedings or pumping without doing something about it...which means it's usually time to feed or pump again. If Everly doesn't wake up crying and ready to eat, then my boobs wake me up saying it's time to eat or pump!

9. going with the flow of (unplanned) things: I like to consider myself a huge planner. I like to have things lined up, ready to go, and be organized. And no matter how much you can plan for your baby's birth, you can't plan for the unexpected. Babies come when they are ready to, and that can mean a few weeks early, right on time, or even a week late. Usually if they're an early arrival, that means (in our case at least), that some decisions that have to be made at the hospital haven't really been decided upon or made yet. Like, do to the eye cream or to not do the eye cream? To delay cord clamping for 2 minutes or clamp right away? To have the baby get the Vitamin K shot right away or wait 24 hours? There are a lot of important decisions that parents have to make for their baby shortly after delivery and if the decisions aren't made by the parents, then the medical staff will make those decisions for the parent and baby. Since Everly was taken to the NICU within 10 minutes after she was born, Jordan and I didn't have the option to make a lot of choices. I had wanted to do delay cord clamping but since she was born so early and was small, we didn't have that option. I didn't want to do the eye cream right away but since she was in the NICU (and we didn't clarify a few things ahead of time), the nurses did that and gave her antibiotics right away anyway. And all of that was okay with me. Because at that moment, I trusted our medical team and that they were making the best decisions for my baby when I wasn't there to make those decisions for her. I learned quickly in those first few days that when it comes to having a baby, you have to just go with the flow of the unplanned things and trust that everything will have a way of working itself out for the best. 

10. the instant love I felt when I first saw Everly: in one word, it was indescribable. I couldn't even cry because I felt so overwhelmed with love, happiness, and joy. It took a few minutes for the tears which even surprised me, but they were the happiest tears I have ever cried. I have never felt more proud to say, "it's a girl!" and to look at Jordan and tell him he has a daughter. Those first few moments the three of us had together will forever be in my memory and one that no one or nothing can ever take away. I didn't ever know I could feel a love like this until now. It's like a part of me and my heart had never been touched and now it is open and overflowing with love and happiness. I could just stare at her all day long in between snuggling and loving on her. Everly is the greatest thing I have ever created and she is the biggest blessing in our lives. Everything in the post, the good, the bad, and the ugly (and painful), was 100% worth it all. Because at the end of it all, we have an incredibly beautiful and strong, healthy baby girl. 

Everly is one month old!

happy to be playing dress up on Mama's wedding dress

Our sweet little Everly Rose is one month old already! How do we have a one month old?! I guess time has really went by fast since we spent the first two weeks of Everly's life in the NICU and we are so thankful that those days are behind us! Everly is filling out in the cheeks and her neck but she still has scrawny little chicken legs and arms. She loves to snuggle and cuddle, especially with Mama (and Grandma!), and is getting used to snuggling with her Daddy. She eats like a champ and either nurses for close to 30-40 minutes each time or downs 3-3.5 ounces in a bottle. No wonder she is gaining weight but we are happy to see that number on the scale go up so we can get her off the oxygen sooner! She is constantly moving, stretching out, kicking her legs, and squirming around. When we do tummy time with her, she gets her legs up under her and balances herself up on her toes and almost rolls completely over onto her side! If her one arm wasn't out to the side, she would definitely be rolling over so once she figures out that she needs to move her arm, she will be rolling! For being a preemie baby, she so far doesn't show any signs of being behind developmentally that's for sure! She is a sweet baby with a calm and relaxed personality - she can sleep through anything including Paisley barking and Jordan yelling at the TV during a football game! Sometimes I find myself just staring at her and getting lost in her...I can't believe she is mine and I can't believe that I'm a mom some days still. We are more in love with her than words can explain and I'm thankful to have such a sweet, loving, and easy going baby (so far and hopefully this doesn't jinx us!) and I already want time to slow down so we can savor every day and moment with her as she grows!

home.

   

We are all.... HOME!!! Finally, after 16 of the longest most emotionally challenging days of my life, we are all home and happy. My heart and mind can rest easy now with Jordan by my side, Everly in my arms, and Paisley by my feet because we are all together. There's nothing like relaxing in the comforts of our own home on the couch with a movie on and no nurses coming and going and no alarms always going off! Everly is home on oxygen for now and we have an appointment the first week of October to see if she can get it taken off but we are okay with that because the most important thing is we got to bring our baby home. Ahhh finally, I can breathe a huge sigh of relief.... home sweet home!

a daddy's kind of love

I knew after dating Jordan for roughly 3-4 months that I was going to marry him. I just knew. We were both completely open and honest with each other from the get go. It turns out the saying, "when you know, you know" was true for us. And I knew when we got married, that Jordan would be a great husband. I just knew. From his actions to his words, how he treat me, my family and his own, I knew I had a keeper. So when I found out I was pregnant, I knew Jordan would make an awesome dad. And fourteen days in, he definitely is. 

Everly and I have been living in the NICU anxiously awaiting her big day to be discharged and Jordan has been being super dad and husband by working full-time still, taking care of the house and Paisley, and coming to visit us each night when he gets done with teaching and coaching for the day. I love watching Jordan with Everly when he is at the hospital visiting us... He is so quiet and gentle with her. I just love watching him love on her. Nothing makes my heart happier than seeing Jordan with Everly. I know she is one lucky little girl to have him as her daddy. He's going to be able to teach her things I won't be able to do - sports stuff, math and science things, and other important life things. I can tell she already has him wrapped around her little finger And he is smitten over her. I can't wait to watch their relationship grow and develop over the years. I already have such a special and unique bond with Everly from being pregnant, to delivering her, to breastfeeding her, and being her sole caretaker and with her (almost) every minute since she was born. Because of that, I know Jordan at times feels like he has a hard time connecting with her but Everly's knows when it's her Daddy that's holding her. I can tell. They are going to make quite the pair. And I have never loved Jordan more until seeing him holding our daughter. There are few things sweeter than a daddy's kind of love... 

life in the NICU for 2 weeks

Everly is two weeks old today! Which means that her and I have both been living in the NICU now for two weeks...and what a change of perception it has been for me staying here and caring for my daughter, a NICU preemie baby. Just three weeks ago, I was interning with the Child Life staff and I was handing out massage coupons and Chili's giftcards to families and kids. Just six weeks ago, I was helping lead Parent Support group in the NICU and I was talking to mom's about their experiences at the hospital and what we could do/not do differently to help them out. And now, here I am. I'm getting massage coupons almost daily and we have received a few Chili's gift certificates so Jordan and I can enjoy a nice meal together. And I have attended a NICU Parent Support group where I decorated some onesies with my mom along with other NICU mom's and I got to hear their stories. One mom had her baby at 25 weeks while another mom had her baby at 29 weeks. And here I have been scared day in and praying every minute for Everly to get stronger when I know we will get to bring her home in a matter of days. These moms I met are praying for survival for their babies. They didn't get to hold their babies until they were 3-5 weeks old and I got to hold Everly before she was even 3 minutes old. They don't get to breastfeed their babies because they're too fragile and weak to even attempt that. I got to breastfeed Everly within a few hours after she was born... I never thought my birth plan and path with cross over with the NICU. I never could have imagined meeting the moms and nurses I have met through Everly's stay here. And I never realized how thankful it would make me feel because I know we are some of the lucky ones here. We are pretty dang lucky. 

The past two weeks have been nothing short of emotional and this is easily the biggest rollercoaster of emotions that I have ever been on. I have only left the hospital a total of five times since Everly was born and a lot of that was out of fear and guilt. What if something happened when I left and I wasn't there to comfort her? What if I could have prevented something from happening if I stayed? What if the nurses are busy and can't hold her and soothe her with soft words and kisses? Some days, I don't even like to leave her room just to go to the cafeteria to get some food... The nurses here are incredible and the doctors are very patient with me. They always take the time to explain everything, answer any of my questions, and help comfort me when they can see the fear in my eyes and tears balancing on my eyelids. I have to trust the care of my daughter and what's best for her to them. And that is pretty hard to do. Actually, sometimes, it's nearly impossible because all I want to do is bring her home. And some of the nurses have gotten too comfortable with the fact that I am here ALL the time. The nurses all work 12-hour shifts from 7am-7pm and then a new one comes in for the 7pm-7am shift. A few times, it will be 11:30am and I still haven't seen our day nurse yet one single time...I can't help but wonder what she has been doing for the past 4 1/2 hours besides checking in on my baby just once?! What if I hadn't been in the room when they thought I was? I do nearly 100% of Everly's cares which I'm thankful I get to do. I know not every NICU parent gets that chance or even that option so I will take any form of control and independence and normalcy that I can get. But man, nothing is more stressful, frustrating, and scary when it's 4+ hours into a nurses shift and I haven't even seen her once yet. And they wonder why I don't leave Everly's room often and when I do, it is for a very limited amount of time!

Today was the day we were planning to bring Everly home as a family and unfortunately that didn't happen. She had to do a "car seat test" because she was born before 37 weeks AND she is less than 2500 grams (5 1/2 pounds) so she automatically qualified to be required to pass the test before she could be discharged. Basically, she had to be buckled into her car seat for 90 minutes and sit in it without desaturating her oxygen levels at all... and because she is so little, she got so cozy and then scrunched down so she ended up being chin-to-chest. And well, obviously it's pretty hard to breathe when you're strapped into a car seat and are sitting chin-to-chest so her oxygen levels kept fluctuating too much and dipped too low. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement....it took all I had in me to not start bawling in front of the nurse when she was telling us we wouldn't be getting discharged and as soon as she left the room, uncontrollable sobs came over me. Now there is talk of us being able to go home on Monday with her on oxygen for 2-3 weeks which I am more than happy to do. The doctor says it is a developmental thing that she will outgrow with time as she gets closer to being "full-term" and closer to her due date. So it's a relief that it is nothing serious or permanent by any means...just a minor setback. Oxygen at home will be nothing as long as it means that we all get to be home as a family!

I have never missed home more than I have until these past two weeks. The first few nights here when Jordan would leave, I would find myself standing by Everly's isolete or crib, just staring at her and crying. Thankfully the tears aren't an every night ordeal now but having my family in two different places at night is incredibly hard. But Jordan is always quick to remind me that Everly is at one of the best NICU's in the nation and home is only 12 minutes away. So, like with many other things I've come to realize with being a NICU parent, I count my blessings considering the fact that home is less than 20 minutes away, Jordan and I are able to see each other still everyday, and I've gotten to see Paisley a few times here and there when I do leave the hospital. That doesn't make it any easier when I want to be in two different places at the same time but it sure as heck makes it more bearable. I will never forget those feelings and emotions that I was trying to process the day I got discharged from the hospital and when Jordan and I left Everly's room to make a trip home to regroup and get some things for me so I could come back because I knew I would be staying the night with her. The thought of us having a two-day hospital stay and leaving with a beautiful baby and balloons and celebrating were completely out the window.... I would never wish upon anyone the feelings and thoughts that we had when we were walking to the car without our baby and knowing that we were leaving her in the hospital by herself. Every time I leave the hospital without her, I get those feelings all over again... I can't wait until we both break free from this place together, as a family, and when she can come home with me and Jordan. We are excited to figure out our "new normal" as a family of four and I can't wait to close this chapter in our lives and her baby book and watch her accomplish many milestones in the future! Here's to hoping that we are all home together as a family and relaxing on the couch by Monday night! 

34 Weeks

34 weeks: well this is officially my last "bump" post and I still can't believe it! From the beginning of this pregnancy, I kept saying that I couldn't wait to meet our baby and I guess she couldn't wait to meet us either since she arrived six weeks early! From day one, Jordan and I had "girl vibes" and I had the feeling that I just KNEW the baby was a girl....and we were right! She is a little sweetheart and definitely has all of us wrapped around her finger already. I can't wait to dress her up in frilly dresses and bows then have mama/daughter dates to get our nails done and go shopping together! Jordan and I are so thankful that she is healthy and is making improvements everyday...she is a strong little fighter and already amazes me with the things she has accomplished! Your mama and daddy love you Miss Everly Rose!

let the pictures do the talking...

Since we are still in the NICU, things around here are pretty crazy. There's always some sort of alarm or buzzer going off, nurses coming and going, and it's just always a sense of "being awake". It's never quiet and it's never calm. Thankfully I have my mom here to keep me company during the day because Jordan is still teaching for now and saving his vacation time for when we bring Everly home. The days are starting to run together already so I figured I'd let the pictures do the talking for this post...

mom and her baby with her baby! this was the day Everly was born
and right when my mom got to the hospital to see me and meet her new granddaughter

one of our first mornings together of snuggling

she knows how cute she is

kisses for my sweet girl

we finally got to dress her!

"no more pictures, Mom! I'm trying to snuggle with Grandma!"

Everly's Birth Story

I knew I wanted to be able to remember and recall every moment that happened when our baby was born so I'm thankful that I was thinking straight enough to be making little notes in my phone throughout the past few days and especially on the day Everly was born so that when she grows up and asks about her birthday, I can tell her every detail starting from the beginning of the weekend... **I apologize in advance for this being rather lenghty! But there is nothing gory about it!**

Jordan and I had our maternity pictures taken on Friday August 30th at 7:00pm. It was pushing 100 degrees with the humidity and of course we were having outside pictures taken. But we fought through the heat and got some really great shots (at least from the previews I have seen so far!) It was totally worth it though because I had been looking forward to our "bump" pictures for a while so a little heat was nothing! Jordan was also a real trooper and stood by in the heat and was helping me up and down through it all. I'm so happy we did the pictures when we did because we never would have guessed that less than 12 hours later we would be walking into the hospital labor and delivery unit...

After our pictures, we came home, had Jimmy Johns for dinner and then hung out with some friends that were in town for the Iowa football game the next day. It was a bunch of Jordan's guy friends so there was lots of football talk and other "guy talk" so I was emailing my sister some pictures and pinning lots of ideas for future crafts/projects on Pinterest. We all finally called it a night around 1:30 because we had big plans to wake up in the morning to go tailgating and enjoy a day of Hawkeye football!

I woke up around 2:30-3ish Saturday morning feeling like I was going pee so I got up to go to the bathroom and as I was walking there, some fluid came out, like I had peed my pants, so I kept going and hung out in the bathroom for a while. I had assumed it was my water that broke but refused to think that or admit it to myself because I knew I would start going crazy and freaking out! So, I laid back down in bed and went back to sleep off and on until about 6ish when Jordan woke up to go to the bathroom and when he came back to bed, I was laying there wide awake and finally said, "so I think I should call the hospital..." Of course he asked why and if something was wrong so I just calmly said, "well I think my water might of broken like 2 or 3 hours ago..." And that woke him up pretty quickly!! We debated back and forth about what to do because I wasn't feeling any contractions or any pain, no bleeding, or anything else besides some fluid still coming out every now and then. And again, I was just still telling myself I was peeing my pants because, you know, that's just what pregnant women do I've been told. We decided to look through the book we got at our birthing class (SO glad we went to it when we did!) and I went to the page about "Early Stages of Labor" that talked about when to call if you think your water breaks... Turns out that I met each and every criteria so we called and I felt like "one of those women" who call the hospital pregnant for the first time thinking they're in labor and then it ends up being a false alarm. The nurse told us to come in and get checked out and to bring a bag "just in case" so after hanging up the phone, Jordan and I just sort of stood there for awhile. Were we going to meet our baby today? It's six weeks early! This can't be happening! Then we stood in our closet just staring at everything...we didn't have a hospital bag packed yet (I KNEW I needed to get one ready, dang it!!) so we just grabbed our comfy sweats, some hoodies, the few nursing tanks/bras I had, and our bathroom stuff. Jordan's friends were awake when we left and I sort of laughed walking out the door and said, "you know we'll see you guys later to tailgate. This isn't really happening!" We finally got to the hospital around 7ish and the whole drive there I don't know why, but I was freakishly calm and Jordan was noticeably nervous. We talked about final baby names and what to do if we did have the baby today and who to call first... then we just stopped and said, "let's wait until we know what is happening..."

Once Jordan and I got to the hospital, we made the long walk after getting parked to the Labor and Delivery unit. During the whole walk, more and more fluid kept leaking out and I looked like I had sat in a puddle. I was walking with some serious bow legs and have never wanted dry pants more in my life! When I finally got checked in and hooked up to monitors, the nurses said I was contracting every 4-6 minutes and was 4cm dilated already which I just could not believe. I looked at Jordan and said, "I thought everyone always said getting to 4cm was the hardest?! How is this happening?!!!" After they determined I was clearly in labor, I got admitted right away in a labor and delivery room. That's when I sort of lost it because then we realized we were having a baby THAT day 6 weeks early ready or not! We got settled into our room, which happened to be right across from Kinnick Stadium and we had a perfect view of the big screen too! That made us pretty happy and gave us a good laugh because we had tickets to the game! Shortly after being admitted, I got hooked up to the antibiotics and fluids but since I was contracting so regularly and consistently, I didn't ever need pitocin or any other fluids. Whewww thank god! I had always said I wanted as few of interventions as possible so I'm thankful my body was doing its thing and progressing naturally pretty quickly. I was doing great with just breathing, massage techniques, using the birthing ball, and Jordan's help that I didn't need any other pain management until I hit 6-7cm and I started freaking out. I think it was a combination of the pain and being so scared that it was happening so fast and that we were going to have a NICU baby. There was just way too many thoughts running through my mind that I couldn't relax and I couldn't settle down. Finally, I caved and I asked for an epidural and by the time it got placed, I was already at 10cm and ready to push...turns out when I had asked for it, I was in the transition stage and things were progressing fast. The anesthesiologist got done taping my back and I felt instant panic and said, "I feel like I'm either about to poop or have this baby like NOW!! There is way too much pressure for this to not be happening...NOW!!" So my midwife was in there already helping coach and checked me and was like "yep you just went from 6 to 10 in less than 30 minutes and you need to start pushing now...let's meet your baby!" Since things happened in such a whirlwind, the epidural wasn't in full effect completely but I think if it had been, I wouldn't have been able to feel the contractions and know when it push. It took the edge off that's for sure but I still felt in control and could tell when I needed to bear down and push. I pushed for about 45 minutes and between pushes, we talked about tailgating and football and then made guesses about the sex. And at one point I said, "I just have one last request, when the baby is born, I want Jordan to announce boy or girl" so it was a very relaxed environment and everyone stayed calm and helped me to stay calm and confident throughout the whole day. A few times my midwife would say, "you can do this and you're going to. It won't kill you and I know you're scared, but you can do this." Then 45 minutes later of pushing, our sweet baby was born and Jordan couldn't see because of the cord so I got to announce and say, "it's a girl! We have a baby and it's a girl!" As she was placed on my chest and wiped down then Jordan said, "we have a daughter and you're the strongest mom I know..." He was pretty awesome throughout it all even though I know he was just as scared but he kept it together so I wasn't a mess. During a few of my panic attacks, he would remind me that we were in the best hospital in Iowa and that we were strong people so our baby would be strong. Sometimes just getting a hug and him holding my hand was all I needed to calm down and relax through a contraction.

Everly was checked over by the NICU team right away but her APGAR scores were 9 and 9! Jordan went with her to the NICU for them to do the vitals and check her oxygen/respiratory system because the lungs were the doctors biggest concern. She has thankfully been keeping her oxygen level right at 100% so she isn't on any oxygen or any medications. She has just an IV for antibiotics and right now the only things we are working on is her feeding and trying to get her established enough to eat on her own. She has an NG tube and I get to nurse her every 3-4 hours then I pump and whatever I pump, they use that to feed her with her tube. The NICU staff are all being super supportive with breastfeeding and they make sure she doesn't get a pacifier or bottle to interfere with the breastfeeding and getting that latch/suck down. Thankfully her only cords are the leads on her chest for heart rate, pulse oximeter on her foot, and then the feeding tube so it's definitely scary and intimidating but I know it could be so much worse. Seeing them place the NG tube today made me cry and was really tough though...she fought it and it was just awful to watch because I felt so helpless! She is a champ and is being super easy going so far. We're hoping she keeps making improvements each day so we can get out of the NICU sooner than later. They're thinking a week for now at minimum but said that can change and hopefully no more than 2 weeks max. Once she gets the latching and feeding down on her own, the other things we need her to work on and do on her own will be regulating her own temperature so she can be in a crib, keeping her oxygen levels stable and high enough, and consistently gain weight. We have a few milestones and hurdles to get through before we can go home with her but for now, we will celebrate every small victory that she accomplishes!!

The whole morning (and day for that matter!) was a complete whirlwind. We walked into the hospital not knowing what was going on and then was quickly admitted into the Labor and Delivery unit. Once we knew our baby was coming early, we finally called our families and told some friends. When my dad answered the phone, he was expecting me to talk about tailgating and the football game so he was definitely caught off guard when I said, "well actually I'm at the hospital and we're having this baby...today." Panic mode set in for my dad and he kept asking how I was doing and the baby and if either of us were in distress. I could tell her was worried but I reassured him it was not a life or death situation and that we would keep him updated as the day went on. Jordan then called his parents and had a similar conversation with all of them as well. I knew both families would be worried when we called since the baby was going to be six weeks early but we kept telling them we'd update them and to not worry. Which is funny because somehow Jordan and I were both staying relatively calm while our family and friends were the ones freaking out.... and some of our friends didn't believe us that we were at the hospital to have the baby! Like I said, since things happened so fast, we never once updated anyone after the initial calls/texts that we sent out! The next time we called people, we had news to announce that we had a baby girl! I don't think you could have wiped the smile off my face if you tried and those phone calls were some of the best ones I've ever made. When I called my dad, he asked I was doing and feeling and I just said, "Well I'm doing pretty great...just hanging out and recovering because I had the baby and you're a grandpa again to a little girl." That's when I could hear a sense of relief from my dad and he told me that my mom had bought a one-way plane ticket and was on her way up to Iowa. I also found out that my sister was on her way from Milwaukee! I've never felt more loved or lucky to have two amazing women in my life and I was so thankful they both got to be there with me and my new little family on Everly's birthday!

All in all, I couldn't have asked for a better birthing and labor experience. It happened naturally and quickly, just like I had hoped and I had very few medical interventions. Jordan was an amazing husband as always and made a great coach, supporter, and teammate for me. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else by my side and even when he wasn't saying or doing anything, just the comfort of him beside me was enough love and support for me. I had a super easy pregnancy and felt good the whole time, minus a few aches and pains on various days here and there, but overall, I really had few complaints throughout the past 34 weeks. I can't believe it's over and that now I have a sweet baby girl. I've never felt an instant love for anyone or anything like I did the moment I saw her and when we first locked eyes. I knew in January when I found out I was pregnant that my life was going to change...and I knew in a second when I saw Everly that my life has changed for the better. Jordan and I are so in love already with her and can't wait to see where our adventures in parenthood take us.

SURPRISE! She is here!

On Saturday, August 31st, Jordan and I got the surprise of our lives when we welcomed with love our daughter, Everly Rose, into the world! She was eager to meet us and arrived six weeks to the day early! Mama is doing great and Everly is currently in the NICU at the University of Iowa Children's Hospital. She is going to be here for at least 10-14 days. For being six weeks early, she is a fighter and is super healthy - she has no lung or respiration/breathing issues which was the biggest concern. Before she can come home from the NICU, she has to be feeding 100% on her own, controlling her temperature, and go seven days without an apnea/breathing spell. We are in for the adventure of our lives now that we are parents and we couldn't be more excited... or more in love! We love you little Peanut and can't wait to bring you home!

33 weeks

33 weeks update: We had our first baby shower and it was a huge success. Peanut and myself got very spoiled with lots of awesome things including some must-have items and then some other fun and cute things that will be great to have around. It was so fun seeing all my family and friends together in one place to celebrate Peanut's impending arrival! The heat this week has been wicked hot and humid out so it's been a struggle to breath but I know everyone is feeling that way and not just me for being pregnant! It has made my walk to and from the hospital each morning and afternoon interesting...I feel like a hot sweaty mess before I even get to work and then I'm definitely a hot mess by the time I get home! Jordan and I have tickets to go to the first Iowa football game of the season this weekend and it's going to be a hot one! Hopefully I don't melt or go into early labor from being so hot at the game! Either way, we are hoping for a good game and a big win for the Hawks! And if anything does happen, at least the hospital is right across the street from the stadium! We are going to have a houseful of guests this weekend with some of Jordan's friends staying and also my brother and sister-in-law so I'm looking forward to a weekend of Hawkeye fun and good times with our friends and family!

a baby shower filled with love!

Daddy & Mama to be!

the cutest little Baby block cake!

sisters!

"my baby is having a baby!"
love you Mom

Yesterday we had our first baby shower for Peanut and it was a huge success in so many different ways! Jordan and I feel blown away at the amount of family and friends that we had show up to come celebrate the arrival of our baby and took the time out of their day to see us and spoil our baby. Peanut got A LOT of really nice, useful, and awesome things that I can't wait to get organized and use! I'm so thankful especially that my parents were able to be here for the shower and also that both my sister and brother drove from Wisconsin to spend the weekend with us and be part of the shower. It was also a fun weekend back home in Webster City seeing old friends and catching up with all of our old neighbors. Some things just never change and being back home is one of them - the good ol' days and it's great being around people where you can pick right up where you left off from the last time! Now that we are finally back home for the weekend, I can't wait to go through everything from the shower again later this week to get it all unpacked, play with it, and daydream about when Peanut is here to use it. I can't wait to meet our baby and now the shower made it seem so real and so close to the day we get to meet this baby!

32 Weeks

32 weeks update: Well there has been A LOT going on lately around the Easton household to say the least! We got moved into our new home and we are slowly getting unpacked and settled in. We also did our day long childbirth class...we learned a lot and definitely saw a lot! Jordan and I had some good laughs together during the day and by the time we got home, we were on information overload and both settled in for a nap. The class was definitely helpful though and now hopefully we just remember what we learned when delivery day gets here! My parents also have been here this week and so far they've been a huge help - when Jordan and I both got home from work today, we were surprised with a beautiful crib that they bought and had put together and already set up in Peanut's room! My mom and I also have been setting up a few other things in the nursery but the crib was a total shock...lots of happy tears! Other than all of that stuff, I have still been feeling pretty good even with the heat being ridiculously high this week! I can tell that I'm starting to slow down and can't quite walk as fast but I've been trying to stay as active as possible because that seems to be the one thing that helps with my swollen ankles and keep any other aches and pains away! Now I'm just really looking forward to our baby shower this weekend - can't wait to see everyone and for my family to all be together! It makes my heart so happy to know so many family members and friends are driving from near and far to come celebrate our little Peanut at the baby shower! Jordan and I are pretty lucky with the people we have in our lives!

31 Weeks

31 weeks update: holy smokes we are down to single digit weeks until Peanut's due date! Where have the past 31 weeks went?! It is so exciting that we are getting so close but also pretty terrifying because we have A LOT to do and get before we meet Peanut! I keep having the same dream several times now that involves me waking up and thinking either I have peed the bed or my water has broken then I wake up in real life and have to go pee that second. I think I am just getting really paranoid about where I will be and what I will be doing when my water does break! Jordan laughs but I think I am going to start putting together some stuff for a hospital bag because I am too much of a planner and organizer to not have some stuff together already! Other than that, I thankfully have still been feeling really great. I have obviously never experienced pregnancy before but this has been a lot easier and more enjoyable than I ever imagined and than people keep telling me it should be...so I am counting my blessings and am beyond thankful to have had a really normal, boring, and easy pregnancy so far! The countdown is officially on now...these next 9 weeks are going to fly by!

30 weeks

30 weeks update: Another week down and we started our bi-monthly appointments with our midwife!! Peanut's heart rate was 136 which was the same as the last appointment and Peanut is still head down...the midwife thinks back out too which is really good and apparently "the ideal" birth position! Way to go, Peanut! For being 30 weeks pregnant, I have been feeling pretty good, but then again, I don't have anything to compare it to! I am able to make it through the work-day at the hospital and don't feel like I need a 1-3 hour nap each day when I get home (although, I don't turn one down if I have the chance to sneak one in!) and just my right ankle/foot gets a little swollen by Thursday or Friday but it goes away by the end of the weekend after a day or two of relaxing! I've still been able to sleep through the night and Peanut is sitting high enough that my bladder isn't affected too much yet so I haven't had to be making bathroom trips every half hour or so! I can definitely tell that Peanut is going through a huge growth spurt though because lately I have constantly been feeling hungry and I think that might have something to do with the fact that I don't always have room to eat a big meal in one sitting so I feel like I am constantly snacking! The good news is that I have only gained 22 pounds so far which means that I am still in the weight range I should be for total weight gain. Other than all of that, things have still been pretty boring and normal for the two of us so I'm continuing to count my blessings about that!