1. the return to pre-pregnancy weight and size: I read several articles, talked to a lot of friends, and saw plenty of post-baby pictures (both at the hospital and of families at home) that led me to believe it would be weeks, possibly months, before I would be wearing pants with zippers again let alone my own pre-pregnancy pants with zippers. Of course, the first few days at the hospital after having Everly and when I stayed there in the NICU with her, I lived in yoga pants and sweats. Comfort is key those first few days - especially when hanging out in the hospital. But imagine my surprise when I got brave and tried on a pair of skinny jeans I had (because as I told Jordan, "I just want to see how much work I have cut out for me...") and they fit. Not only fit, but fit comfortably! I stepped on the scale for the first time a week after Everly was born and was only 9 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and a month after, I am back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. It helped how in shape and toned I was before getting pregnant combined with how active I was while pregnant. I walked EVERYDAY no less than 5 miles and some days up to 8 miles. I never let being pregnant be an excuse from staying active and I always let it be an excuse to eat extra fruits and vegetables. I will definitely be rocking my two-piece swim suit still next summer!
2. stretch marks: speaking of two-piece swim suits, stretch marks are a funny thing and they say a lot of it is based on genetics. If you're wondering if you'll get them, ask your mom. Typically, "they" (whoever "they" are anyway) say that no amount of lotion or creams or fancy clothes or whatever will keep stretch marks away...the lotion and cream will just help your skin to feel moisturized and not make it as itchy. So of course I turned to my mom who said she got stretch marks and still has them so I was fully prepared to get them myself. I lotioned myself up morning and night anyway with cocoa butter and never got even the smallest hint of a stretch mark. Of course, I'm sure this would be a different story if I had gone full-term with Everly because I could tell my skin and stomach were feeling pretty tight those last few days. So I'll be interested to see if I make it stretch mark free the next time I'm pregnant.. But to those women that did get stretch marks, embrace them because you created a life and lived through it. And that is a beautiful thing.
3. the epidural: I had always told myself and Jordan, "I'm not going into the hospital or labor and getting an epidural right away. I'm going to try and last as long as I can without one and maybe do the whole thing without it entirely." Jordan was fully prepared to help me through labor thanks to the techniques and everything we had learned from our class and I had some breathing/relaxation techniques for myself to work through while contracting. Thankfully, when we got to the hospital I was already 4cm dilated and my labor progressed so quickly, that by the time I was ready to start dropping F bombs and was ready to throw in the towel, I was almost 7cm dilated when I finally caved and asked for the epidural. And honestly, contracting while trying to hold still and stay in the "curled shrimp shape" was significantly worse than the actual needle and epidural placement itself. I was more focused on holding still and breathing so the doctor could get it over with so I could get back up and have some water then catch my breath.
4. labor pains: Like I've said, I was one of the lucky ones who had a very quick labor and who went to the hospital already in active labor. I didn't have to be induced or hooked up to an IV and monitors allllll day, or have any interventions to help my labor progress. Contractions are painful, yes. But Jordan and my midwife helped talk me through them and would remind me, "just take it one contraction at a time." Between each one, I would try to relax and drink some water....and not stare at the monitor in anticipation of the next one coming. Once it came time to push, my adrenaline definitely took over combined with the epidural's help, because I mainly only felt a lot of pressure like I was going to poop on the table (and thankfully, I didn't haha). I didn't have any sort of shot or extra numbing "down there" either so maybe I have a higher pain tolerance than I thought. And it helps that Everly was head down and had been since about 28 weeks so she was already locked and loaded in prime birthing position and her small size helped as well.
5. bleeding: yes, there will be blood. But not in the amounts that the books and blogs that I had read made it seem like. I was expecting a lot more honestly, like in the amount that I'd wonder if I even had any left in my body, so I was surprised at how it really wasn't that bad or that much. Just like a really heavy period for the first day or two, for me at least, and then just a normal spotty period after that for about 7-10 days. I didn't have to wear the gigantic middle school style maxi pads for long which was a plus because it isn't very enjoyable to feel (and sound!) like you're wearing a diaper yourself while taking care of your own baby...
6. after labor pains: again, thanks to the reading and research I did, I had prepared myself for the worst and thought I would be walking bow-legged and not able to sit comfortably for weeks. Turns out I was up walking around, hugging people, and laughing like normal within 2 hours after having Everly. The worst pain was the cramping while breastfeeding and pumping. I had been warned about that but didn't expect it to be that bad but it was still bearable...I had been told it was a "good sign" if you were crampy while breastfeeding and that would help the uterus to go down to it's regular size quicker. The little squirt water bottle and witch hazel pads the hospital supplied me with were also a huge help. Along with the pain meds my nurse gave me. I only took them (tylenol and ibuprofen) for the first 3-4 days after delivery and then didn't have any after that. I'd say I bounced back quicker than I thought I would but I think a part of that had to do with living in the NICU with Everly and that I had mentally blocked out my own pain because I needed to be mentally present and physically aware of her needs and helping her get home sooner that I didn't have time to "be in pain and recover." I was definitely uncomfortable at times those first few days but seeing my baby and holding her really makes it all go away and worth it all like everyone always says.
7. breastfeeding: I was signed up to take a breastfeeding class the second week of September...obviously Jordan and I didn't make it to that. So I was all sorts of nervous about breastfeeding because that was one of the things I hadn't done much reading or researching on yet since I figured we would have the class to get information from! Thankfully, I had some awesome nurses that gave me all sorts of advices, tips, and support those first few days. Everly latched on right away and we haven't looked back. It is a weird feeling but not a painful one...but it is a really awesome feeling looking at my baby and knowing that she is gaining weight because of me and the milk I'm providing for her. It is crazy to think that's all she is eating and how much I am helping her out by giving her breast milk!
8. engorgement: speaking of breastfeeding, engorgement is no joke. While at the hospital, they recommended I pump every 3-4 hours to help increase my supply and to give stimulation to encourage a good supply. I remember the first few days only pumping 10-15mL total and thinking I had accomplished a lot...then one morning, I woke up with rock hard boobs. And pumped almost 3oz total. And now I look back on that and laugh because there are times in a day now when I can pump 12oz total and yes that is in one sitting! My family jokes that I am a human milk machine and I'm starting to believe it...in less than 6 weeks, I have over 400oz of frozen breast milk stored and ready for when I go back to my internship. Thankfully, the initial engorgement period doesn't last for long and I get why some women give up on breastfeeding then and there. Because that makes it hurt! But it only ever hurts and feels like that now if I go too long between feedings or pumping without doing something about it...which means it's usually time to feed or pump again. If Everly doesn't wake up crying and ready to eat, then my boobs wake me up saying it's time to eat or pump!
9. going with the flow of (unplanned) things: I like to consider myself a huge planner. I like to have things lined up, ready to go, and be organized. And no matter how much you can plan for your baby's birth, you can't plan for the unexpected. Babies come when they are ready to, and that can mean a few weeks early, right on time, or even a week late. Usually if they're an early arrival, that means (in our case at least), that some decisions that have to be made at the hospital haven't really been decided upon or made yet. Like, do to the eye cream or to not do the eye cream? To delay cord clamping for 2 minutes or clamp right away? To have the baby get the Vitamin K shot right away or wait 24 hours? There are a lot of important decisions that parents have to make for their baby shortly after delivery and if the decisions aren't made by the parents, then the medical staff will make those decisions for the parent and baby. Since Everly was taken to the NICU within 10 minutes after she was born, Jordan and I didn't have the option to make a lot of choices. I had wanted to do delay cord clamping but since she was born so early and was small, we didn't have that option. I didn't want to do the eye cream right away but since she was in the NICU (and we didn't clarify a few things ahead of time), the nurses did that and gave her antibiotics right away anyway. And all of that was okay with me. Because at that moment, I trusted our medical team and that they were making the best decisions for my baby when I wasn't there to make those decisions for her. I learned quickly in those first few days that when it comes to having a baby, you have to just go with the flow of the unplanned things and trust that everything will have a way of working itself out for the best.
10. the instant love I felt when I first saw Everly: in one word, it was indescribable. I couldn't even cry because I felt so overwhelmed with love, happiness, and joy. It took a few minutes for the tears which even surprised me, but they were the happiest tears I have ever cried. I have never felt more proud to say, "it's a girl!" and to look at Jordan and tell him he has a daughter. Those first few moments the three of us had together will forever be in my memory and one that no one or nothing can ever take away. I didn't ever know I could feel a love like this until now. It's like a part of me and my heart had never been touched and now it is open and overflowing with love and happiness. I could just stare at her all day long in between snuggling and loving on her. Everly is the greatest thing I have ever created and she is the biggest blessing in our lives. Everything in the post, the good, the bad, and the ugly (and painful), was 100% worth it all. Because at the end of it all, we have an incredibly beautiful and strong, healthy baby girl.
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