whew I survived.

It's Friday. And that means that I survived my first week back to the hospital. I won't lie and say it was easy because it definitely wasn't. I probably shed more tears on Monday alone than Everly did all week! The week flew by though and I have some great people to be working with that made the week easy on me too. I am able to go pump 3 times a day and some of the specialists are recent new moms (within the past 2 years at least) so they understand the importance of breastfeeding, pumping, and keeping up your supply so they are always reminding me to go take a break and pump. Then that gives me time to flip through my phone looking at pictures of Everly and time to just take a little rest. It is exhausting jumping back into things after being gone for so long! But thankfully I've had a lot of support from Jordan and my parents this week...I never would have survived without them and their encouragement, love, and support! My mom had to practically kick me out the door on Monday because I was stalling so much but now I'm ready to leave each day because the sooner I start my day, that means the sooner I can get home each night. Eight weeks flew by when I was home with Everly so I can't imagine how quickly these next three weeks are going to go and then I will officially be done! All that's left then is the certification exam...which I'm not even going to think about right now because that's not until the spring. I'm just thankful to have the opportunity for this internship and the chance to finish it after having Everly! Now onto the good part of the week....it's Friday! And my whole family is going to be in town this weekend for the Iowa game so I can't wait to see them, relax, enjoy some homecooking (I missed my dad's good cooking so much when they were living in Texas!), and love on Everly every chance I get! Happy weekend everybody! Hope you enjoy it by doing something that you love!

Everly is 2 months old! And it's Halloween!

Everly Rose is 2 months old!

Two months old already...where does the time go?!! I can't believe our sweet baby Everly Rose is two months old!! She loves to snuggle (especially with and on Mama!), eat, lay in the sun with Paisley, swing in her chair, and watch her light projector with the sound machine at night. She really doesn't like any clothes that have to go on over her head so she still spends a lot of time in comfy sleepers! No need to waste a cute outfit anyway if we're just lounging at home! She is getting stronger everyday and starting to really hold her head up a lot more on her own and she can rock herself from side to side...she has also flipped herself over twice now while doing tummy time when she gets mad and is over it, she gets her legs up and under her just enough to flip over! Her hair is getting lighter and her eyes are getting bluer by the day so I think she's going to end up looking more like me than people thought when she was first born! I love just watching her sleep and eat and nap and lay with Paisley...I find myself getting lost in her and my heart feels so full when I'm snuggling with her and especially while I'm feeding her. I totally get that unique bond that everyone talks about when it comes to breastfeeding and I'm so thankful that I am able to do it for Everly. She's somewhere between 8-9 pounds and is completely out of preemie clothes but still only wearing newborn stuff...she's still our sweet tiny Peanut who we love so much!

Happy Halloween from the bakers and our sweet treats!

We celebrated Everly's first Halloween by dressing her up as a cupcake! I actually made the costume by using a sleep sack we received in the hospital and then I added the frosting, sprinkles, and cupcake liner to it. My mom helped me with the hat by making the cherry on top! It turned out so cute! Paisley was a long john donut so I made that with some cardboard, batting, scraps of fabric, and the same felt that I used for the sprinkles on Everly's costume. I'm so happy that my parents live close by us because they got to come over to see her dressed up on her 1st Halloween and then we made a trip to Jordan's parents so they could see her too. We had to show off our sweet little cupcake afterall! I can't wait until next Halloween when she is walking and we can take her trick-or-treating! 

she is excited for another Halloween outfit!  

Happy Halloween!
I love those sweet little hands on the pumpkin

Daddy sure is under her spell...
and so is everyone else!

let's go Hawks

tailgating with two of my favorite guys

Jordan and I finally got to go to our first Iowa football game of the season and thankfully they won! It was a nail biter down to the end and even went into overtime...any way it takes to get a victory, I'll take it! My mom stayed home from the game to hang out with Everly so Jordan and I were able to tailgate and enjoy some Hawkeye fun! It was a nice way to see how it will go on Monday when I leave again to start back at the hospital. But at least now I get to the spend the rest of the night and all day loving on my girl before Monday morning rolls around! Every weekend is a good one and a Hawkeye win makes it all that much sweeter!

on the clock...

I'm officially on the clock and down to one week left of staying home with Everly... next Monday I will be going back to the hospital to finish my last four weeks of my internship. While I'm excited to get back into the swing of things and finish it up, I'm dreading the thought of leaving her! Ughh....too many hormones and too many emotions, and not enough time! I am pretty thankful to be part of a department that is so family oriented though and understand what it's like to have a baby and to come back to work after having a baby so that makes it better. And leaving Everly with my mom will make things a thousand times easier...I would be a real hot mess if I had to drop her off at a daycare or with someone else!! Now I'll be spending the next week snuggling and loving on her even more than I do as I count down my days until I head back to the real world... which reminds me, I guess that means no more days on end of lounging in my sweats and glasses. Time for wearing real pants and making myself look presentable everyday again!

Goodbye my old sweet girl...

Goodbye my old sweet girl, Abby Lou. I knew the day I picked you out that you would be the best family dog ever... even if you did eat my birthday cake, Halloween candy, and Easter candy a few too many years in a row. You taught us about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering love and loyalty. We will be missing you and loving you always...

“A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?”

a 40 week transformation...

6 weeks pregnant
33 weeks pregnant
6 weeks post-delivery
total weight gain: 30 pounds
now back to pre-baby weight!

I've made the full circle of transformations over the past few weeks and months... and you can clearly see it! From starting at 6 weeks of being pregnant and clearly feeling sick with the flu (so awful...I've never felt more miserable or exhausted in my life!), to being 33 weeks pregnant, to finally 6 weeks post-partum and the delivery of our sweet baby! I'd be lying if I said I was never worried about the baby weight that I was gaining and what my post-baby body would look like... I actually would have several conversations with my sister and we would say "operation post-baby body" whenever I talked about working out or if I said I felt like I was eating/gaining way too much. I kept things in perspective because I knew I had to be gaining weight to have a healthy baby but I also didn't want to overdo it because all of that weight was going to have to come off one way or another! I wish I could add to this post some awesome workout plan that I've been doing since having Everly to help with the weight loss and to bounce back to my now post-baby body shape so fast...but I don't have any secrets. Well, I take that back. My secret to my post-baby bod started when I was pregnant. I ate a ton of fresh fruits and veggies everyday and walked at least 3-6 miles a day which was a huge help right there. I know some women use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever they want to and to lay around being a bum (which trust me, I still had my days where I ate anything in sight and didn't leave the couch!) but I never let myself get into that mentality. I never said, "well I'm eating for two!" while other people would be quick to tell me that and give me permission to devour whatever was placed in front of me. I looked at it just like any other sort of healthy work-out and diet plan: everything in moderation. I knew I wouldn't be very happy with myself after having the baby if I was still going to be carrying around a lot of extra weight or had to continue wearing maternity clothes or buy bigger clothes so I always made a conscious effort to watch what I was eating, drank almost 200oz of water a day, and always tried to stay active and get walking at least! Everly was only 5 pounds when she was born so I had to knock off another 25 pounds to get back down to my pre-baby weight. A lot of that comes off easy because of the fluid/blood loss during delivery but the rest you have to work for! My other secret would be breastfeeding and pumping. That is a huge help with weight loss as it burns soo many calories, forces you to stay hydrated (I always have a water bottle with me!), and makes me reach for healthy snacks because I know everything that I take in, will eventually get to Everly. Regaining your pre-baby body after gaining 25-35 pounds doesn't have to be a dream like some women talk about...it is completely possible! And it starts with being pro-active and doing something about it while pregnant. A healthy mama makes for a healthy baby! Jordan and I hope to carry over these healthy habits as Everly grows so we can be active together and lead happy and healthy lives as a family! 

Off to the pumpkin patch we go!

fall family fun!

the cutest pumpkin in the patch!

Today was a perfect fall day here! So we took advantage of it and went to a local apple orchard and pumpkin patch! Jordan picked out a pumpkin to carve for Halloween and I took some sweet pictures of Everly. My mom and I propped her up in an apple basket and she slept (like a baby!) the whole time so she made it really easy to get some super cute shots...At one point, another woman walked by and said, "oh my gosh that's the cutest thing ever! That's not even my baby and I want to take a picture!" I love fall activities like this and can see it becoming a family tradition of ours each year! Hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well and got to enjoy some fall activities! 

Happy Due Date, Everly!

Happy due date, Everly! We've been lucky to love on you six weeks earlier than expected and you've been the greatest blessing in our lives ever since your arrival! I'm sure this was the first of many surprises that you'll have up your sleeve for us...but hopefully none of them turn into 2 week hospital stays! We are so lucky to be your parents and to have the chance to love you! You are sweet as can be and you already have us all wrapped around your finger! 

one month of Mommyhood

Ever since having Everly, I am constantly hearing the same questions: "how are you doing? how is she sleeping and eating? how is Motherhood treating you? how are Jordan and Paisley adjusting?" It seems like everyone is always wanting to know the latest and then when I answer, they look at me with a raised eyebrow and surprised look on their face. When I answer them, "I'm doing great and feeling awesome! Everly sleeps almost 4-5 hours at a time usually and she eats like a rockstar. Jordan helps with nightly feedings on the weekends and after school...and Paisley is still crazy but just sniffs Everly, lays on her blankets, and doesn't ever try to bother Everly. I think they'll be fast friends and will get into lots of trouble together" it's like they are really surprised, think I'm totally full of it, or look at me like I'm delirious from lack of sleep and living in a dreamworld! So as I think back to the first month of Everly's life, I definitely realize that I am in fact not living in a dreamworld, but I am lucky that we are all living the way we are. 

This first month has went by incredibly fast - and doesn't everyone always say that, to enjoy them when they're young because they grow up way too fast?! And it's true. I can't believe Everly is already a month old! This month has been nothing short of emotional, overwhelming, incredible, challenging, inspiring, and more all at the same time. I am constantly learning something new about either myself, Jordan, or Everly, and how we all work together as one family unit. Everyone also always says how much your life will change once you have a baby and that is definitely true but I have been pretty surprised so far at how much it hasn't changed yet. Before Everly was born, I always envisioned Jordan and I walking around as zombies, never leaving the house, living off of take-out meals, not watching our shows, and just living a complete 360-different life than what we had been living. The changes that have happened because of Everly joining our family are all worth it, some expected and some unexpected, but definitely worth it. In one month, in the blink of our eyes, I've learned that there's nothing more exhilarating and terrifying than becoming a parent for the first time.

1. I will always be on Everly's side and her biggest supporter - I quickly learned while staying with Everly in the NICU that there is nothing more important than standing up for your own child, giving them a voice, and fighting for them. There were some nurses, physicians, and other hospital staff that would want do to things one way and I would say we are doing it another way that I knew would be more beneficial and helpful to her. I had to stand up for her to several hospital staff members and make sure things were done in a way that would make her feel safe and comforted. It's because of all of this, that I know now if you don't support your child and fight for them, then no one will. So Everly can always count on me to be there for her.

2. I can function off of very little sleep - At times I feel like I have reverted back to my undergrad days when I would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning and then go a whole day on 4-5 hours of sleep. I don't walk around feeling like a zombie and Jordan and I still make time to watch our TV shows together...if it wasn't for his help and help from my parents, I might be a zombie though! We are lucky to have a baby who is a good sleeper and gives us 3-5 hours at a time of sleeping so we can sneak in a shower, some chores, a nap, or just time to sleep the whole time while she does!

3. It's important to be present in the moment - It's easy to get sucked into something and completely absorbed by a TV show, surfing the internet, playing games on a cell phone, or whatever else it might be...that it's easy to not let yourself be present. I used to spend hours each night clicking between Facebook, Pinterest, baby blogs, and various other websites and now that Everly is here, I find myself opening my computer maybe two or three times in a week total. I don't sit on the couch anymore with my phone or computer reading different things...instead I'm sitting on the couch, while feeding Everly or snuggling with her, and I find myself just staring at her, playing with her fingers, rubbing her cheeks, running my fingers over her head and hair, and just getting lost in her. When I do get on my computer or phone, it's usually very brief (have to keep my blog and Facebook up to date with pictures and everything for people!) and then I find myself reading articles about babies or finding the next craft project I can do with Everly. I know too many parents who have lost their babies...time with our kids is too precious and something that can't be taken for granted. 

4. I need my mom - Plain and simple, I never knew how much I needed my own mom until I became one myself. Not only that, but I have a huge new found respect for all mom's out there. If my mom wasn't living here with us, I am pretty sure that I would probably call her everyday and some days probably more than once! She has helped me out in countless ways right from the beginning of the pregnancy to the first few hours after Everly was born. She has given me advice, suggestions, and constant love and support at all times, and often times before I even ask for it. I feel comfortable asking her anything and she doesn't make me feel stupid or inferior. She has helped me to gain confidence in my skills as I become a mother and I'd be lost without her by my side through this journey. There's nothing like a mom's loving and I'm thankful to have an awesome one in my life and can only hope to become the same kind of mom to Everly. My mom is one of my closest friends and I hope that when Everly is my age, she can say the same thing about the two of us. 

5. Jordan and I aren't perfect parents (or people) but we are the perfect parents for Everly - Jordan and I have quickly learned from each other that we do things different from one another when it comes to taking care of Everly and I have had to learn that it is okay. As long as she gets fed, changed, has a clean diaper on, get some loving and snuggling, then it doesn't matter how it gets done. I had a head start on bonding with Everly for close to 8 months before she was born so Jordan has had to play catch up. I have had to learn to become even more patient with Jordan as he navigates his way through becoming a dad and working together with him as parents and as a the husband and wife team that we are. I love watching him connect with Everly and just in a month, I have seen him gain confidence when it comes to holding her and taking care of her. And I know there have been times where he has seen me not be fully prepared for something or not react quick enough and that's okay too. We both know we aren't perfect and we are both there for each other, even in the middle of the night when we wish all three of us were sleeping, but I wouldn't choose anyone else to go through this adventure of parenthood besides Jordan. He's the perfect husband for me and the perfect daddy for Everly.


I'm sure I could go on and on about what I have learned, what's different, what's the best and worst part of parenthood, and advice for future parents out there. But I have a beautiful baby and husband to snuggle up with for the night. But the more I think about it, the more things I realize that I have learned and discovered in the past month. Some things have changed and some things have stayed the same. A new chapter of our lives together has started and as we are closing in on month one, it sure has been a beautiful one. We have a new normal as a family of three (plus one crazy fur baby!) and we will make the most of our time together and love every minute of it. And maybe that's the most important thing I've learned in the past month: if you don't make time for those you love, then you can't be mad when it slips away. So make time for one more kiss. One more hug. One more book to read at night. One more snuggle. One more "I love you." And this past month has been full of nothing but love for us. And for that, I am forever thankful.

surprising (to me at least!) things about having a baby...

I'm a huge researcher. And worrier. And I'll just throw this out there, Google is not my friend when I have any sort of aliment. Therefore, I try to read anything and everything I can to know anything and everything about whatever I am wondering about. Before I had Everly, I was always flipping through a baby book - sidebar: thanks but no thanks for the advice What To Expect When You're Expecting...you should be titled What to Expect But Will Not Happen and Instead You'll Waste Precious Time and Energy Worrying About The Worst Case Scenarios When You're Expecting (and I digress. The book has some good info. But it was not THE book I would say every pregnant woman should read. There are several out there that are way better!) So if I wasn't flipping through a book, I was browsing websites and blogs or always asking friends questions about labor, recovery, baby items, and just baby stuff in general. I wanted to know everything because I hate the unknown. Because quite frankly, after our childbirth class, the thought of delivering a baby terrified me. I felt informed but still nervous. Thankfully, I survived to tell the tale and am happy to report that I was pleasantly surprised with how well I handled everything especially since we were thrown into the whirlwind by Everly deciding to arrive six weeks early...

1. the return to pre-pregnancy weight and size: I read several articles, talked to a lot of friends, and saw plenty of post-baby pictures (both at the hospital and of families at home) that led me to believe it would be weeks, possibly months, before I would be wearing pants with zippers again let alone my own pre-pregnancy pants with zippers. Of course, the first few days at the hospital after having Everly and when I stayed there in the NICU with her, I lived in yoga pants and sweats. Comfort is key those first few days - especially when hanging out in the hospital. But imagine my surprise when I got brave and tried on a pair of skinny jeans I had (because as I told Jordan, "I just want to see how much work I have cut out for me...") and they fit. Not only fit, but fit comfortably! I stepped on the scale for the first time a week after Everly was born and was only 9 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and a month after, I am back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. It helped how in shape and toned I was before getting pregnant combined with how active I was while pregnant. I walked EVERYDAY no less than 5 miles and some days up to 8 miles. I never let being pregnant be an excuse from staying active and I always let it be an excuse to eat extra fruits and vegetables. I will definitely be rocking my two-piece swim suit still next summer! 

2. stretch marks: speaking of two-piece swim suits, stretch marks are a funny thing and they say a lot of it is based on genetics. If you're wondering if you'll get them, ask your mom. Typically, "they" (whoever "they" are anyway) say that no amount of lotion or creams or fancy clothes or whatever will keep stretch marks away...the lotion and cream will just help your skin to feel moisturized and not make it as itchy. So of course I turned to my mom who said she got stretch marks and still has them so I was fully prepared to get them myself. I lotioned myself up morning and night anyway with cocoa butter and never got even the smallest hint of a stretch mark. Of course, I'm sure this would be a different story if I had gone full-term with Everly because I could tell my skin and stomach were feeling pretty tight those last few days. So I'll be interested to see if I make it stretch mark free the next time I'm pregnant.. But to those women that did get stretch marks, embrace them because you created a life and lived through it. And that is a beautiful thing. 

3. the epidural: I had always told myself and Jordan, "I'm not going into the hospital or labor and getting an epidural right away. I'm going to try and last as long as I can without one and maybe do the whole thing without it entirely." Jordan was fully prepared to help me through labor thanks to the techniques and everything we had learned from our class and I had some breathing/relaxation techniques for myself to work through while contracting. Thankfully, when we got to the hospital I was already 4cm dilated and my labor progressed so quickly, that by the time I was ready to start dropping F bombs and was ready to throw in the towel, I was almost 7cm dilated when I finally caved and asked for the epidural. And honestly, contracting while trying to hold still and stay in the "curled shrimp shape" was significantly worse than the actual needle and epidural placement itself. I was more focused on holding still and breathing so the doctor could get it over with so I could get back up and have some water then catch my breath.

4. labor pains: Like I've said, I was one of the lucky ones who had a very quick labor and who went to the hospital already in active labor. I didn't have to be induced or hooked up to an IV and monitors allllll day, or have any interventions to help my labor progress. Contractions are painful, yes. But Jordan and my midwife helped talk me through them and would remind me, "just take it one contraction at a time." Between each one, I would try to relax and drink some water....and not stare at the monitor in anticipation of the next one coming. Once it came time to push, my adrenaline definitely took over combined with the epidural's help, because I mainly only felt a lot of pressure like I was going to poop on the table (and thankfully, I didn't haha). I didn't have any sort of shot or extra numbing "down there" either so maybe I have a higher pain tolerance than I thought. And it helps that Everly was head down and had been since about 28 weeks so she was already locked and loaded in prime birthing position and her small size helped as well. 

5. bleeding: yes, there will be blood. But not in the amounts that the books and blogs that I had read made it seem like. I was expecting a lot more honestly, like in the amount that I'd wonder if I even had any left in my body, so I was surprised at how it really wasn't that bad or that much. Just like a really heavy period for the first day or two, for me at least, and then just a normal spotty period after that for about 7-10 days. I didn't have to wear the gigantic middle school style maxi pads for long which was a plus because it isn't very enjoyable to feel (and sound!) like you're wearing a diaper yourself while taking care of your own baby...

6. after labor pains: again, thanks to the reading and research I did, I had prepared myself for the worst and thought I would be walking bow-legged and not able to sit comfortably for weeks. Turns out I was up walking around, hugging people, and laughing like normal within 2 hours after having Everly. The worst pain was the cramping while breastfeeding and pumping. I had been warned about that but didn't expect it to be that bad but it was still bearable...I had been told it was a "good sign" if you were crampy while breastfeeding and that would help the uterus to go down to it's regular size quicker. The little squirt water bottle and witch hazel pads the hospital supplied me with were also a huge help. Along with the pain meds my nurse gave me. I only took them (tylenol and ibuprofen) for the first 3-4 days after delivery and then didn't have any after that. I'd say I bounced back quicker than I thought I would but I think a part of that had to do with living in the NICU with Everly and that I had mentally blocked out my own pain because I needed to be mentally present and physically aware of her needs and helping her get home sooner that I didn't have time to "be in pain and recover." I was definitely uncomfortable at times those first few days but seeing my baby and holding her really makes it all go away and worth it all like everyone always says. 

7. breastfeeding: I was signed up to take a breastfeeding class the second week of September...obviously Jordan and I didn't make it to that. So I was all sorts of nervous about breastfeeding because that was one of the things I hadn't done much reading or researching on yet since I figured we would have the class to get information from! Thankfully, I had some awesome nurses that gave me all sorts of advices, tips, and support those first few days. Everly latched on right away and we haven't looked back. It is a weird feeling but not a painful one...but it is a really awesome feeling looking at my baby and knowing that she is gaining weight because of me and the milk I'm providing for her. It is crazy to think that's all she is eating and how much I am helping her out by giving her breast milk!

8. engorgement: speaking of breastfeeding, engorgement is no joke. While at the hospital, they recommended I pump every 3-4 hours to help increase my supply and to give stimulation to encourage a good supply. I remember the first few days only pumping 10-15mL total and thinking I had accomplished a lot...then one morning, I woke up with rock hard boobs. And pumped almost 3oz total. And now I look back on that and laugh because there are times in a day now when I can pump 12oz total and yes that is in one sitting! My family jokes that I am a human milk machine and I'm starting to believe it...in less than 6 weeks, I have over 400oz of frozen breast milk stored and ready for when I go back to my internship. Thankfully, the initial engorgement period doesn't last for long and I get why some women give up on breastfeeding then and there. Because that makes it hurt! But it only ever hurts and feels like that now if I go too long between feedings or pumping without doing something about it...which means it's usually time to feed or pump again. If Everly doesn't wake up crying and ready to eat, then my boobs wake me up saying it's time to eat or pump!

9. going with the flow of (unplanned) things: I like to consider myself a huge planner. I like to have things lined up, ready to go, and be organized. And no matter how much you can plan for your baby's birth, you can't plan for the unexpected. Babies come when they are ready to, and that can mean a few weeks early, right on time, or even a week late. Usually if they're an early arrival, that means (in our case at least), that some decisions that have to be made at the hospital haven't really been decided upon or made yet. Like, do to the eye cream or to not do the eye cream? To delay cord clamping for 2 minutes or clamp right away? To have the baby get the Vitamin K shot right away or wait 24 hours? There are a lot of important decisions that parents have to make for their baby shortly after delivery and if the decisions aren't made by the parents, then the medical staff will make those decisions for the parent and baby. Since Everly was taken to the NICU within 10 minutes after she was born, Jordan and I didn't have the option to make a lot of choices. I had wanted to do delay cord clamping but since she was born so early and was small, we didn't have that option. I didn't want to do the eye cream right away but since she was in the NICU (and we didn't clarify a few things ahead of time), the nurses did that and gave her antibiotics right away anyway. And all of that was okay with me. Because at that moment, I trusted our medical team and that they were making the best decisions for my baby when I wasn't there to make those decisions for her. I learned quickly in those first few days that when it comes to having a baby, you have to just go with the flow of the unplanned things and trust that everything will have a way of working itself out for the best. 

10. the instant love I felt when I first saw Everly: in one word, it was indescribable. I couldn't even cry because I felt so overwhelmed with love, happiness, and joy. It took a few minutes for the tears which even surprised me, but they were the happiest tears I have ever cried. I have never felt more proud to say, "it's a girl!" and to look at Jordan and tell him he has a daughter. Those first few moments the three of us had together will forever be in my memory and one that no one or nothing can ever take away. I didn't ever know I could feel a love like this until now. It's like a part of me and my heart had never been touched and now it is open and overflowing with love and happiness. I could just stare at her all day long in between snuggling and loving on her. Everly is the greatest thing I have ever created and she is the biggest blessing in our lives. Everything in the post, the good, the bad, and the ugly (and painful), was 100% worth it all. Because at the end of it all, we have an incredibly beautiful and strong, healthy baby girl. 

Everly is one month old!

happy to be playing dress up on Mama's wedding dress

Our sweet little Everly Rose is one month old already! How do we have a one month old?! I guess time has really went by fast since we spent the first two weeks of Everly's life in the NICU and we are so thankful that those days are behind us! Everly is filling out in the cheeks and her neck but she still has scrawny little chicken legs and arms. She loves to snuggle and cuddle, especially with Mama (and Grandma!), and is getting used to snuggling with her Daddy. She eats like a champ and either nurses for close to 30-40 minutes each time or downs 3-3.5 ounces in a bottle. No wonder she is gaining weight but we are happy to see that number on the scale go up so we can get her off the oxygen sooner! She is constantly moving, stretching out, kicking her legs, and squirming around. When we do tummy time with her, she gets her legs up under her and balances herself up on her toes and almost rolls completely over onto her side! If her one arm wasn't out to the side, she would definitely be rolling over so once she figures out that she needs to move her arm, she will be rolling! For being a preemie baby, she so far doesn't show any signs of being behind developmentally that's for sure! She is a sweet baby with a calm and relaxed personality - she can sleep through anything including Paisley barking and Jordan yelling at the TV during a football game! Sometimes I find myself just staring at her and getting lost in her...I can't believe she is mine and I can't believe that I'm a mom some days still. We are more in love with her than words can explain and I'm thankful to have such a sweet, loving, and easy going baby (so far and hopefully this doesn't jinx us!) and I already want time to slow down so we can savor every day and moment with her as she grows!

our Hawkeye Family

It's Game Day for the Hawks! So that means one thing... we are all bleeding Black and Gold! Everly looks good in Hawk gear! She's the cutest little Iowa fan that I know and love!

happy to be a Hawkeye! 

touchdown Iowa!

love our Hawkeye family

starting her early and teaching her all about football

snuggling with both my girls...
I don't know who is more tired: Everly or Paisley?!

Paisley's thinking, "this whole baby thing is exhausting..."

moving on up!

Everly is moving on up the scale and she officially weighs more than 6 pounds now! She is 6 pounds 4 ounces to be exact, whoo hoo! Our home nurse that makes visits was really happy with Everly's weight gain and that makes Mama happy too! Her color is looking better so the thought of jaundice isn't really an issue or concern any more at this point and we are happy to see her weight increasing! The more weight she gains, the sooner she will be able to come off the oxygen so keep on growing little girl! Happy Hump Day to the Easton fam - love a day with nothing but good news!

settling in....

It's been almost a full week since we have all been home from the hospital together and we are slowly getting settled in and figuring out our "new normal." Since Everly is home on oxygen that makes our "new normal" a little bit different than it will be permanently. We still have the oxygen tube and monitor cord to be cautious and aware of so getting her up and down stairs takes some planning to make sure we don't get tangled in any cords, leave one of the oxygen tanks open, and unplug the monitor before trying to go in the opposite direction. Everly has been an awesome baby so far at home. She has stayed on the NICU schedule so far so she is up every 3-4 hours to eat, stays awake for 20-30 minutes, and then falls back asleep. She rarely cries and only fusses when she's hungry so she's pretty easy going...I think she could snuggle all day if Jordan and I let her! Actually, I'd love to snuggle with her all day but get nervous if I start falling asleep or if Jordan starts falling asleep because I'm paranoid like that and don't want something to happen to her. Jordan has stepped up into his new role as Mr. Dad and helps with diaper changes without being asked and does the nightly bottle feeding so I can sneak in some extra sleep! The past week has been quite the whirlwind and I'm so sad that it's Jordan's last night home with us before he goes back to teaching this week...time has flown by!!

And in other exciting news, my parents are officially back in Iowa for good! They got here on Friday and have made themselves welcome in our home and will be living with us until they find a house of their own. I'm pretty excited to have my mom around to help me out with Everly, organizing and decorating our house, and she'll be here to give me more advice and support as I navigate my way into motherhood. Definitely feeling pretty thankful that my parents were able to sell their house in Texas and my dad got his new job when he did! I'm so happy they are back in the midwest and especially happy that they are so close to us!

home.

   

We are all.... HOME!!! Finally, after 16 of the longest most emotionally challenging days of my life, we are all home and happy. My heart and mind can rest easy now with Jordan by my side, Everly in my arms, and Paisley by my feet because we are all together. There's nothing like relaxing in the comforts of our own home on the couch with a movie on and no nurses coming and going and no alarms always going off! Everly is home on oxygen for now and we have an appointment the first week of October to see if she can get it taken off but we are okay with that because the most important thing is we got to bring our baby home. Ahhh finally, I can breathe a huge sigh of relief.... home sweet home!

a daddy's kind of love

I knew after dating Jordan for roughly 3-4 months that I was going to marry him. I just knew. We were both completely open and honest with each other from the get go. It turns out the saying, "when you know, you know" was true for us. And I knew when we got married, that Jordan would be a great husband. I just knew. From his actions to his words, how he treat me, my family and his own, I knew I had a keeper. So when I found out I was pregnant, I knew Jordan would make an awesome dad. And fourteen days in, he definitely is. 

Everly and I have been living in the NICU anxiously awaiting her big day to be discharged and Jordan has been being super dad and husband by working full-time still, taking care of the house and Paisley, and coming to visit us each night when he gets done with teaching and coaching for the day. I love watching Jordan with Everly when he is at the hospital visiting us... He is so quiet and gentle with her. I just love watching him love on her. Nothing makes my heart happier than seeing Jordan with Everly. I know she is one lucky little girl to have him as her daddy. He's going to be able to teach her things I won't be able to do - sports stuff, math and science things, and other important life things. I can tell she already has him wrapped around her little finger And he is smitten over her. I can't wait to watch their relationship grow and develop over the years. I already have such a special and unique bond with Everly from being pregnant, to delivering her, to breastfeeding her, and being her sole caretaker and with her (almost) every minute since she was born. Because of that, I know Jordan at times feels like he has a hard time connecting with her but Everly's knows when it's her Daddy that's holding her. I can tell. They are going to make quite the pair. And I have never loved Jordan more until seeing him holding our daughter. There are few things sweeter than a daddy's kind of love... 

life in the NICU for 2 weeks

Everly is two weeks old today! Which means that her and I have both been living in the NICU now for two weeks...and what a change of perception it has been for me staying here and caring for my daughter, a NICU preemie baby. Just three weeks ago, I was interning with the Child Life staff and I was handing out massage coupons and Chili's giftcards to families and kids. Just six weeks ago, I was helping lead Parent Support group in the NICU and I was talking to mom's about their experiences at the hospital and what we could do/not do differently to help them out. And now, here I am. I'm getting massage coupons almost daily and we have received a few Chili's gift certificates so Jordan and I can enjoy a nice meal together. And I have attended a NICU Parent Support group where I decorated some onesies with my mom along with other NICU mom's and I got to hear their stories. One mom had her baby at 25 weeks while another mom had her baby at 29 weeks. And here I have been scared day in and praying every minute for Everly to get stronger when I know we will get to bring her home in a matter of days. These moms I met are praying for survival for their babies. They didn't get to hold their babies until they were 3-5 weeks old and I got to hold Everly before she was even 3 minutes old. They don't get to breastfeed their babies because they're too fragile and weak to even attempt that. I got to breastfeed Everly within a few hours after she was born... I never thought my birth plan and path with cross over with the NICU. I never could have imagined meeting the moms and nurses I have met through Everly's stay here. And I never realized how thankful it would make me feel because I know we are some of the lucky ones here. We are pretty dang lucky. 

The past two weeks have been nothing short of emotional and this is easily the biggest rollercoaster of emotions that I have ever been on. I have only left the hospital a total of five times since Everly was born and a lot of that was out of fear and guilt. What if something happened when I left and I wasn't there to comfort her? What if I could have prevented something from happening if I stayed? What if the nurses are busy and can't hold her and soothe her with soft words and kisses? Some days, I don't even like to leave her room just to go to the cafeteria to get some food... The nurses here are incredible and the doctors are very patient with me. They always take the time to explain everything, answer any of my questions, and help comfort me when they can see the fear in my eyes and tears balancing on my eyelids. I have to trust the care of my daughter and what's best for her to them. And that is pretty hard to do. Actually, sometimes, it's nearly impossible because all I want to do is bring her home. And some of the nurses have gotten too comfortable with the fact that I am here ALL the time. The nurses all work 12-hour shifts from 7am-7pm and then a new one comes in for the 7pm-7am shift. A few times, it will be 11:30am and I still haven't seen our day nurse yet one single time...I can't help but wonder what she has been doing for the past 4 1/2 hours besides checking in on my baby just once?! What if I hadn't been in the room when they thought I was? I do nearly 100% of Everly's cares which I'm thankful I get to do. I know not every NICU parent gets that chance or even that option so I will take any form of control and independence and normalcy that I can get. But man, nothing is more stressful, frustrating, and scary when it's 4+ hours into a nurses shift and I haven't even seen her once yet. And they wonder why I don't leave Everly's room often and when I do, it is for a very limited amount of time!

Today was the day we were planning to bring Everly home as a family and unfortunately that didn't happen. She had to do a "car seat test" because she was born before 37 weeks AND she is less than 2500 grams (5 1/2 pounds) so she automatically qualified to be required to pass the test before she could be discharged. Basically, she had to be buckled into her car seat for 90 minutes and sit in it without desaturating her oxygen levels at all... and because she is so little, she got so cozy and then scrunched down so she ended up being chin-to-chest. And well, obviously it's pretty hard to breathe when you're strapped into a car seat and are sitting chin-to-chest so her oxygen levels kept fluctuating too much and dipped too low. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement....it took all I had in me to not start bawling in front of the nurse when she was telling us we wouldn't be getting discharged and as soon as she left the room, uncontrollable sobs came over me. Now there is talk of us being able to go home on Monday with her on oxygen for 2-3 weeks which I am more than happy to do. The doctor says it is a developmental thing that she will outgrow with time as she gets closer to being "full-term" and closer to her due date. So it's a relief that it is nothing serious or permanent by any means...just a minor setback. Oxygen at home will be nothing as long as it means that we all get to be home as a family!

I have never missed home more than I have until these past two weeks. The first few nights here when Jordan would leave, I would find myself standing by Everly's isolete or crib, just staring at her and crying. Thankfully the tears aren't an every night ordeal now but having my family in two different places at night is incredibly hard. But Jordan is always quick to remind me that Everly is at one of the best NICU's in the nation and home is only 12 minutes away. So, like with many other things I've come to realize with being a NICU parent, I count my blessings considering the fact that home is less than 20 minutes away, Jordan and I are able to see each other still everyday, and I've gotten to see Paisley a few times here and there when I do leave the hospital. That doesn't make it any easier when I want to be in two different places at the same time but it sure as heck makes it more bearable. I will never forget those feelings and emotions that I was trying to process the day I got discharged from the hospital and when Jordan and I left Everly's room to make a trip home to regroup and get some things for me so I could come back because I knew I would be staying the night with her. The thought of us having a two-day hospital stay and leaving with a beautiful baby and balloons and celebrating were completely out the window.... I would never wish upon anyone the feelings and thoughts that we had when we were walking to the car without our baby and knowing that we were leaving her in the hospital by herself. Every time I leave the hospital without her, I get those feelings all over again... I can't wait until we both break free from this place together, as a family, and when she can come home with me and Jordan. We are excited to figure out our "new normal" as a family of four and I can't wait to close this chapter in our lives and her baby book and watch her accomplish many milestones in the future! Here's to hoping that we are all home together as a family and relaxing on the couch by Monday night! 

back to Texas...but not for good!

This morning my mom flew back to Texas... She has been at the hospital with me every single day since Everly was born until this morning. Saying good-bye to her last night was a total downer BUT a huge positive because the next time I will see her and my dad again, they will be back in Iowa...and this time, it will be for good!!! To add to the craziness that the past week and a half has been, my parents put their house on the market and in five days, it sold! My dad was dealing with that and setting up house showings while my mom has been here with me...and not only did he sell their house, but he also accepted a new job in Cedar Rapids. Whoo hooo!!! So many happy tears all around and I am beyond excited to have them not only back in the midwest, but living within minutes away from me! There's no way I could have survived living in the NICU without my mom's constant support, encouragement, advice, love, and company. And there's no way I would survive motherhood without her (and my dad!) nearby as well because I know they will always be here for me and Jordan and our kids no matter what. And that's the greatest kind of love to feel and I'm lucky we have that in our lives. We'll be seeing you again soon, Grandma and Grandpa!

34 Weeks

34 weeks: well this is officially my last "bump" post and I still can't believe it! From the beginning of this pregnancy, I kept saying that I couldn't wait to meet our baby and I guess she couldn't wait to meet us either since she arrived six weeks early! From day one, Jordan and I had "girl vibes" and I had the feeling that I just KNEW the baby was a girl....and we were right! She is a little sweetheart and definitely has all of us wrapped around her finger already. I can't wait to dress her up in frilly dresses and bows then have mama/daughter dates to get our nails done and go shopping together! Jordan and I are so thankful that she is healthy and is making improvements everyday...she is a strong little fighter and already amazes me with the things she has accomplished! Your mama and daddy love you Miss Everly Rose!

let the pictures do the talking...

Since we are still in the NICU, things around here are pretty crazy. There's always some sort of alarm or buzzer going off, nurses coming and going, and it's just always a sense of "being awake". It's never quiet and it's never calm. Thankfully I have my mom here to keep me company during the day because Jordan is still teaching for now and saving his vacation time for when we bring Everly home. The days are starting to run together already so I figured I'd let the pictures do the talking for this post...

mom and her baby with her baby! this was the day Everly was born
and right when my mom got to the hospital to see me and meet her new granddaughter

one of our first mornings together of snuggling

she knows how cute she is

kisses for my sweet girl

we finally got to dress her!

"no more pictures, Mom! I'm trying to snuggle with Grandma!"