Out Of The Fog.

If there is one type of person that I have a hard time dealing with and seeing eye to eye with, it would be a person who victimizes themselves. I'm sure many people can agree with this and probably even know a self-victimizer. This type of person is no fun to associate with. And sometimes it may seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But it doesn't have to be like that. So first, we need to know who and what we're working with here:

A Victim is....
1. Selfish
2. Self-centered
3. Manipulative
4. Delusional
5. Parasitic

So there we have it, a "victim." There are few things that frustrate me more than when a person doesn't take responsibility for their own words and actions. I would be lying to myself and everyone if I tried to honestly say that I've never said or done anything, whether it was intentional or not, that may have caused hurt feelings or offended someone. And you know what? That's okay because I'm human. And we can all be bitches sometimes and we all make mistakes. BUT the difference between me and a victim is that I can and do own up to my mistakes, apologize for the things I need to apologize for, and I don't let it happen again. I would like to think that any sensible, level-headed, logical thinking and respectful person would do the same. 

But unfortunately, that's not how our world works. For a victim, someone else is always at fault and to blame, they get defensive and hostile when confronted, and quite frankly, they are a drain on society and those who are associated with them. Who wants to always be around and engaged with someone in a relationship that is a constant take and take and take and take and then never get anything in return, besides of course a big guilt trip and pity party because you probably stopped giving! A victim believes that they have no control over a situation and that any and all outcomes are not their fault. They also tend to cast themselves in positive light, by again, neglecting to take any responsibility for their words/actions and making someone else out to be "the bad guy" by exaggerating and sometimes being blatantly dishonest in order to get a sympathetic response from those willing to listen. This of course, leads to people having to choose sides if a victim is a member of a family or a close group of friends. And that's never pretty.

Like I said, when dealing with a self-victimizer, it may seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It can feel like a classic "damned if you do and damned if you don't" scenario. It's like as soon as problem A is solved, suddenly problem B appears. It's a vicious cycle and can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, some that I have felt all too frequently. However, I have started to learn how to handle dealing with such people and it definitely hasn't been an easy task. I have learned that I don't need to admit to or apologize for anything that I haven't done wrong. Sticking to the truth is best. I don't think it is fair to have to apologize for something that someone else believes to be "wrong" just because they don't agree with me or have the same opinion as me. That makes neither of us right or wrong, leaves no one at fault, and no apologies are necessary simply because of a difference in thoughts, values, and opinions. I no longer retaliate or strike back because that just adds fuel to the fire. And for as an emotional person as I am, I try to remain as unemotional as possible because I think it's important to judge on facts rather than feelings. And above all, I am going to keep doing what is right and best, not only for me but also Jordan, regardless of what a self-victimizer tells me and throws at us. We don't have the time and energy to deal with victims anymore so we've decided together that we're no longer going down that road. And damn, that feels good.